On Open Seats and Taking Space
Thanksgiving dinner at Magnolia, Phnom Penh
Written by Rya Ducusin (ASEAN Summit Alumnae, Philippines ‘24) as a culmination of her time doing communications for Harpswell
In Filipino tradition, the person who sits at the end of a long table holds authority and power. This seat is called the "kabisera", which translates to "capital," and whoever sits at the kabisera has earned respect and authority. Those who seat at the kabisera are often reserved for leaders and the head of the family. From another perspective, there is pressure and hard work behind sitting at the kabisera.
Hence, when I was late for our Harpswell dinner at Magnolia restaurant in Phnom Penh and was forced to sit at the kabisera, I felt uneasy. There is a certain push to to carry the table and the conversations when you hold that seat. I was shy, as I am not used to sitting in that position and would rather be placed somewhere on the sidelines.
But there is so much love and laughter at a dinner table full of women for that uneasy feeling to last.
At Harpswell, there is very little time to feel shy and quiet. You either get bombarded by hellos and how-are-yous, or you get dragged from Universiti Sains Malaysia to Georgetown (one hour if traffic!) or a tuktuk across Phnom Penh.
Vann taking me to get her favorite iced coffee at University of Cambodia
At Harpswell, you are forced to be.
Forced to be brave, bold, and better not because everyone tells you to, but because you see each and every woman in the room forcing themselves to be as well.
One of my favorite moments doing communications for Harpswell was riding at the back of Vann's motorcycle to accompany her to the University of Cambodia. The wind, the noise of Phnom Penh traffic, the quick turns through streets I did not yet know, I had little time to hesitate (although I am used to riding motorcycles back in Manila) and immediately said yes to a quick tour of her university during my first visit to the city. I was in awe of how confident and keen Vann was to offer a ride and tour to a girl she had just met that morning, no second-guessing, just an open invitation for me to see her world.
I soon came to understand that every girl at the Harpswell dorm is much like Vann. They are not afraid of taking space and claiming their places. They push themselves to learn and put themselves out there, offering pieces of their lives to one another. Yet in many ways, each girl in our leadership center is unique, bringing with her the whole village and the stories that made her who she is.
At Harpswell, you make the most of the experience when you choose to say yes.
I came to be part of Harpswell through my time as a participant in the 2024 ASEAN Summit in Penang. However, I had known of Harpswell long before that, through one of my respected seniors, Dale Rivera, who joined the Summit in 2017. She had been pushing me (and waiting for me to be age-eligible) to join the Summit, narrating time and again how valuable the experience was for her. So when I finally got my chance in 2024, I could not have been happier to get in alongside one of my closest friends, Leigh Fuentes.
The week-long summit in Penang was a series of "yes"es.
Yes to new food, yes to new roommates, yes to opening my feelings to strangers, and yes to understanding myself a little bit more.
I have taken part in different global leadership programs in Salzburg, London, and others, yet the ASEAN Summit felt closer to home than any other platform did. At first, I believed it was simply because we shared similar cultures and backgrounds. But looking back, I understand now that it went deeper than that. It was our collective understanding of what it means to be a woman in Southeast Asia, caught between moving forward and preserving the cultures that raised us.
At Harpswell, you gain more than you give.
I will always be grateful for the chance to have met and worked with passionate and determined women across generations and cultures. Everyone here from staff, current students and participants, alumnae, and friends of Harpswell, carries so much love for this organization and for empowering women that they bring everyone along with them.
It is a testament to how Harpswell has become a platform for women in Cambodia, and eventually Southeast Asia, to show how much better our communities can be when we invest in women who can be.
I always say I do not think I will have this experience ever again elsewhere. Harpswell is such a space - physically and figuratively - that you never really leave.
You carry it with you in the friendships that outlast the program, in the courage you did not know you had until someone else believed in it first, and in the quiet confidence that comes from being surrounded by women who force themselves to be.
I think back to that kabisera at Magnolia, how I did not choose it, how it was simply left for me because I came in last. Perhaps that is closer to what a kabisera really is: not a seat you walk into already ready for, but one that is left open, waiting for whoever arrives to grow into it.
